Listen for a feeling
There are things that work great when listening without our rational analytical mind. And that’s really useful and important. But when communicating effectively with people we need to be willing to listen beyond the words. Syd Banks would always say, “don’t listen to my words, listen for a feeling.”
People can often say one thing verbally but mean something totally different. When interacting with my kids, I know that they may be upset with me at times but what they are really saying is they want more attention and love from me.
Innate wisdom is trying to express itself
If I were to take them literally and personally, I would have missed the deeper message they were trying to convey to me. Often when people act in an inappropriate way, they could be saying and doing things out of anger or frustration and have something much deeper going on that their innate wisdom is trying to express. And it often manifests in a negative way.
So next time something happens that really irks and bugs you, think and ask yourself if there is something deeper going on that is not currently within your purview of the current situation.
Covert and Overt
When I work with clients, I always explain to them that there is the overt and the covert. What happens overtly is one story and the covert can be another.
I thought I was dumb and stupid
I was a very frustrated young man growing up. I was wild and crazy in school always up to no good. Off course, I never had any success at school and always received the subconscious message that I was dumb and stupid. So that’s what I believed my whole school life till I grew up and discovered that my teachers and principals were wrong.
The roads on the street were my racing car tracks
When I finally got my driver’s license I was absolutely crazy on the roads. It is truly a miracle that I’m alive today. The way I drove on the streets and the highways would take up a whole book if I had to record it. But here’s the thing; the fact that I was a crazy and dangerous (although a very skillful) driver, was my overt behavior.
I had a need to fill the vacuum inside myself
But now as an adult when I dig deeper and look back from a loving and nonjudgmental view of that ‘dark past,’ I realize that there was something very covertly happening at the same time. I had a real vacuum, a real void to fill inside myself because I didn’t think I would amount to anything in my life. I didn’t know this at the time. My behavior was akin to taking drugs and my drug was driving cars at dangerously high speeds and doing all sorts of daredevil stunts.
This was my innate health, my inner spark inside doing as best as it could to fill the void of worthlessness I felt inside at the time. When I got high from driving, I temporarily forgot my pain. And this is what most drug addicts are doing with their addiction, just trying to escape their problems because they are overthinking them when they are not on a high.
The move from head to heart
When I moved from my head into this heart-based understanding and work that I do now, I realized why I was doing what I was doing. The beauty of this heart-based understanding is that when you realize that your thoughts are always creating these temporary movie experiences, you calm down much quicker while being exposed to a bigger picture of life that allows you to move forward with greater ease, confidence, and alacrity for life. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use our brain and intellect. But that shouldn’t also preclude us from listening with our heart where we can tune into a feeling which goes beyond the spoken word.
When the head clears, the heart hears
So next time something happens and it will; see if you can look beyond the filter of your own thinking and look at what’s in front of you rather than the story you are creating in your head. You’ll get a better perspective when you look at life from a loving heart-based and open perspective to what you don’t yet know. And when you listen for a feeling you can go even deeper than the spoken words alone.