You need to see it my way!
We often find ourselves at wit’s end trying to get the other person to see our perspective, our point of view. Often as human beings, we fail to realize is that no two people are exactly alike and certainly not when it comes to seeing it MY way.
Are you really communicating effectively?
People including those closest to us live in separate realities, where even the same words can mean very different things. We rarely check in with them to make sure we’re communicating effectively
It so easy to forget that realities are created by thought, not by external circumstances. It is even easier to forget how different our realities are from one person to the next, even when we are communicating in what appears to be the same language!
I know that I’m absolutely right and I’m going to make sure you get it!
That’s where people get into so much hot water in their relationships of any kind. And we get caught up in our own opinion of what we know and think is unequivocal and absolutely right. And if you don’t see it my way, I’ll have to raise my voice or get angry or do something else to make sure you absolutely get it. Sounds like a recipe for another fight?
What would happen if we all understood the concept of separate realities? What we hold on to so dearly might not be held on to so tightly anymore. The universal concepts behind a clear mind have been successfully taught to Fortune 500 companies with serious business issues. Because of their understanding, it created big shifts in these big organizations with great solutions.
Stream of Pure Consciousness
The beauty of what can happen is where they move into what I call a stream of pure consciousness. It’s a state where people respect each other and their individual opinions of the reality they perceive. Criticism usually goes out the window together with Egos in this beautiful state and as a collective group consciousness. This happens when separate realities are understood by all members.
There is no YOU versus ME, just US
In this state, you become more balanced within yourself. You’re open, and not over thinking, and effective communication naturally flows. You have curiosity and goodwill in the background of your conversations. Communicating is instinctive and responsive. You know when to listen more and when to speak up. There is no YOU verses ME and MY opinion. There are no put downs. There are just suggestions of different ideas where everyone is working collectively towards a solution. Because the whole discussion is on an entirely creative noncritical level, no one gets upset if their idea is tossed out because its not disrespected, it just doesn’t work to solve this problem. It can be a bit hard to describe, but when you operate with others in this way, you are almost in a meditative high mental state of focus on solutions rather than complaints of how difficult life or the problem is.
It can still work even when not everyone is on board
Even if not all parties are in this state, or don’t have this understanding, it can still work because this balanced state not only enables your speaking and listening; it also helps the other person you are communicating with. A calm and clear speaker can help a stressed listener calm down to hear what is being said. A thoughtful listener can help an unbalanced speaker say what he or she really means. When you are living in this way, you can affect those around you without any effort of influence from you onto them. Calm and clear minded people can have this magnetic and almost hypnotic effect to get others to tune into their resonance just by naturally being who they are.
You see the wisdom in others even when there is a disagreement
When this synergy happens between people, problems get worked out. You seek first to understand, as the late Stephen Covey wrote in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “and the other’s world makes more sense to you. You see the wisdom in others even when there is a disagreement.” When you throw your Ego out of the window, your understanding and compassion towards others can exponentially increase.
Communication that works is not hard once you understand how it works and what is going on in others’ separate realities. This then allows you and the other go to a deeper place in whatever is being discussed and then you can have a deeper perspective with a possible solution or even something better than you originally thought of, to your problem.
Understanding separate realities is key to a better life of relationships
As far as I’m concerned, this is one of the keys to a better life when ‘different’ doesn’t necessarily mean wrong or no good. It’s just a separate reality created by your thoughts versus mine. It’s also important to note that separate realities are created via thought and they are constantly changing based on the thoughts we have in the current moment. The way you look at something today will not necessarily be exactly the same way you see it ten years from now.
Separate realities doesn’t just occur between people, it can occur within yourself too
Just look at this email. You are reading it and will walk away with a slightly different understanding than somebody else who reads it and your opinion of it might be different again in five years time if you re-read it. So, separate realities don’t only occur among other people, it can occur within yourself too! Think about it; the way you look at something today might be different or even radically different than the way you’ll see it in ten years time. This is because our realities are changing all the time via our thinking which is in constant flux.
Separate realities give the color of life and allow us to be different. How boring it would be if we all thought exactly alike all the time. And if we can respect those differences without getting caught up in holding on to our own reality so tightly we are more open and balanced to have excellent communication and synergy between everyone else around us and this will allow us to produce something that we as individuals couldn’t achieve on our own.
So next time you have a difference of opinion, just realize that you and everyone else are like the people in the picture, in your own separate Galaxies.
Please watch the video below to further consolidate this important concept which is key in any successful relationship.