How to get a clear Mind

 

How do you get a clear mind?

It’s not something you actively do, it’s something that happens generally speaking in one of two ways:

1. In a flash moment or
2. By cultivating your inside-out understanding of how life works.

Flash Moments

Flash moments happen to us as human beings all the time.  This is what Sydney Banks calls insights Рa sight from within.  This can happen at any time when the Mind quiets down from its extraneous thoughts.

When the heavy thinking settles down and you’re just meandering doing anything like driving or the ironing with nothing ‘heavy’ on your mind, you become open for something new, a sight from within. When this light bulb flash¬†moment comes on, it usually feels very nice because you’re having this flash of insight that you haven’t seen before.

One of my early light bulb moments

When I was a computer programmer many moons ago, I would sometimes come home without being able to solve the problem of why the program wouldn’t run properly and then in the middle of my sleep I’d wake up with this light bulb moment on how to solve it. Then the next day I go to work, I confidently know exactly where to put in the flag and the period and, boom, it works! ¬†It’s just so thrilling because I was so aggravated before with heavy thinking that was stopping me from seeing the new perspective I was looking for.

My Son gets his first light bulb moment

In 2013 after learning this new understanding when my son lost his glasses he gives me a call and tells me he can’t find them. ¬†I told him to just do nothing and call me back in two hours. ¬†Half an hour later he sends me a WhatApp message saying that he found them. ¬†It often happens when you’re not specifically doing anything. ¬†The light bulb mysteriously just comes on and you solve your problem without any effort at all!

Cultivate your understanding of how life works

The other way to get a clear mind is by cultivating this understanding. The deeper you understand the inside-out nature of life, that life happens from within rather than without, the more solid and confidently you can handle what life throws at you because you know it’s always your thinking in the moment that is creating your experience from the inside-out.

Going down with grace and inner confidence that this too will pass and you’ll be okay

And even when you fall into the outside-in misunderstanding that something other than thought is causing my distress, you usually catch yourself in this trap more often and you recover from that stress much more quickly and gracefully. ¬†And even when you’re down you’re much more graceful about it because you know that this too shall pass.

We all fall into this misunderstanding. ¬†It’s just part of the game and challenge of being a human being. ¬†Welcome to the human race. ¬†And part of the game is to see how you fall in and out of this misunderstanding and after a while life doesn’t get to you as much as it did before this misunderstanding. ¬†And you find yourself more often feeling happy and grateful just because you’re alive.

Look in the right direction to get clear

The more you look in the direction of Mind, the quicker you’ll recover from your own thought generated illusions¬†that we can all wallow in from time to time.

If you’d like to see the video on this to further consolidate your understanding click on the video link here. ¬†And please let me know in the comments any questions or feelings you have about this. I would love to hear from you.

Gratitude

Gratitude is an amazing state to be in. There are many books written about it. And some of their advice is really good. But imagine being able to step into that state more often with little or no effort at all. Well, the good news is, that it is possible and I experience this on a regular basis more often now since I have learned the principles behind a clear mind.

It often happens at night when my mind naturally settles down from thinking so much because I’m going to sleep and my mind is naturally emptying out of all those ‘busy’ thoughts from the rest of the day. So what’s left with and open and empty mind? For me it’s gratitude and I find myself going to sleep in gratitude for the very simplest of things in life.

I find myself feeling lucky that I can breathe to such an extent that I’m almost consciously saying thank you for each breath I take in and out as I go to sleep. Then I find myself saying thank you as I wake up in the morning because my soul has been returned to this body to allow me to share my gifts with the world for yet another day! But we usually take this for granted. Am I alive? Yes! Can I breathe? Yes. Then I’m so lucky. Do you know how lucky you are that you can actually breathe freely?

They haven’t found a way yet to charge you for. But don’t worry, they’ll come up with some vendor machine or something in the future that you’ll have to put in some coin or plastic card to get charged for oxygen in the future.

But hey, this is not a Post about what to think about of how lucky you are or to have a go at the government for charging me every time I want to breathe. I’m just letting you know that you can get high with gratitude over the most simplest and basic things in life from a computer keyboard to a pencil to write with. I’m so thankful to both because it allows me to communicate and share my love with others. But I better slow down here. I’m getting ahead of myself with excitement and gratitude right now, as I write this.

What I really want to share with you is how you can have this too. It’s where it becomes a natural organic part of your own life that you find yourself in these positive states with no effort at all. I know its sounds counter-intuitive, but there is nothing to do and no steps to take.

It started when I first learned this understanding. I came to my office at work in the Spec Ed Dept one morning. I was switching on my computer and for no reason, I was in a very blissful and happy state. I didn’t know why at the time. But now so many years down the track, I know exactly why.

This understanding teaches you to not to take your thinking so seriously because we are making it up all the time. And when we’re in a feeling that doesn’t feel good, it’s usually a signal from our body telling us to stop taking our thinking in this moment so seriously because it’s not going to serve us well. You can’t make healthy life decisions when in a dis-eased state. This is a time to do nothing till the dis-ease, eases and you’re in a better place to think clearly again.

So, what does dis-ease have to do with gratitude? Well, actually they are quite opposite experiences, aren’t they? In fact, they are mutually exclusive. In other words, if you’re feeling dis-ease, unhappy or dissatisfied, you’re not going to experience gratitude at the same time.

And this is key to know in your access to gratitude more often. When you’re not focusing your thinking on how life sucks, or how bad things are, that’s when you’re open to something fresh and new. I’m not saying that life is always going to be perfect. Far from it. But you always have the choice on what you want to focus on. And that is your key to your experience of gratitude.

It doesn’t mean that I am now going to cross my legs and meditate on gratitude although I’m not against it, but you can naturally shift into this state just by knowing the fact that you think and the fact that every thought elicits a feeling in your experience. And you always have the choice of what you want to experience moment to moment. It’s your choice. And your power is in your choice of what you think next.

Now don’t come along and think that I’m telling you to force yourself to make choices of things to be grateful for. I could give you a long list. But it is much more powerful when the list gently and organically comes up in your head of what you can be grateful for when you’re coming from a mind that’s at ease. And speaking from experience, your list will become endless once you experience it.

I just spoke to a client that was feeling very scared for his child that had one of the neighborhood kids threaten him with a knife. The child who threatened was a special needs child who is not usually violent. Nevertheless, the situation is a long complicated one. Too long for this Post. The main advice I gave was to get in a quiet place and make a decision that comes with ease, confidence, and power on how to best protect your child and your family. That’s all that counts. Should he go to the Police? I myself am not sure at this stage. But it’s not out of the question. But that decision needs to come from a place of understanding that isn’t tainted with hate and animosity to the other parties concerned.

If there was an immediate danger, certainly go to the Police. But he was feeling angry, scared and rightly so and I decided to tell him to give himself a break for a few hours till he and his wife calm down on how to better deal with this situation from a place of love and understanding for all parties concerned. It’s very common for mothers to be in denial of their own child’s behavior, but that just adds to the wider picture of what they have on their plate when dealing with the other parents.

I know that their insight will come of what they need to do when they calm down for a few minutes and get beyond all the angst. I have worked with them on this understanding for several months now and have full confidence they’ll come up with a good decision that will be in the highest interests of all parties concerned.

The same thing happens with any insight including gratitude. When you finally get out of the way by not taking the reactive thought so seriously, you move organically into your natural set point of Love, compassion, and understanding as well as gratitude. This can even happen towards your enemies. Yes, there is always a lesson to be grateful for that you can learn, even from your enemies too. That doesn’t preclude me from doing everything in my power to protect myself and my family but on a deeper level when I reflect and I’m safe again, I might be able to see the ‘Diamond’ in the ugly rock. There is always a higher lesson to be learned.

It’s amazing to know that you could even be grateful for deepening yourself and your understanding of life through all experiences you have if you‚Äôre willing to let go of your Ego and move into the quiet space that is always safely and securely sitting beneath the wild waves of life.

And now when I think of it, I’m grateful for writing this post because I know it will touch many lives and let them deepen their understanding of how you can look at life when the going gets tough because there is always the gem lying under the mud. The question is, am I open to seeing it, are you open to seeing it?

When I can be okay with who I am, I can be 100% there for you

One of my clients, let’s call him Dave when he first started coming to me was always very nervous about his meetings that he was called into to at work. ¬†He was always trying to plan everything out of what he was going to say and was always worried about how he would rate by his bosses and his other colleagues.

We discussed the fact that all our thoughts are just made up by us in the moment and very often are illusions coming from our insecure imagination. ¬†I always tell my clients not to trust their thinking when they feel yuck inside. ¬†That’s a ‘warning light’ going off from your body telling you not to trust your thinking in this moment. When you feel yuck inside and full of worry about something, your objectivity is skewed and you won’t make very good decisions then.

That’s a good time to have some time out and leave it till your thinking calms down and then you can revisit the situation with less emotion and more objectivity. ¬†Never try to solve a problem when you’re angry and fearful. ¬†But if there is a fire going on in the house and you’re scared, that’s great because that will fuel you to get out of the danger quickly. ¬†In most situations, however, you can calmly walk away till your ‘psychological fire’ cools off.

When Dave developed his understanding of a clear mind he began to understand that he can’t be fully there when he’s up in his head. ¬†This doesn’t just apply to Dave but to everyone, even you.

You will never truly be there for someone when your mind is preoccupied. ¬†If I’m always worried about me and my issues and how I look and what other people think, then I can’t really be here for you and listen to you with the proper attention you deserve.

I’m always worried, thinking, ‚Äúhow stupid will I look in front of my friend? ¬†Will, what I say be respected? How will it go down in front of everyone?” ¬†And this goes on and on and on. ¬†And while all this is spinning in my head like a never ending washing machine, my friend is talking to me and I’m there, but not really there.

Have you ever spoken to a friend¬†but they’re not really there? ¬†It’s not only in the words they’re saying but it’s in the body language and even in the energy they project¬†when you speak to them. ¬†You can usually see it in their eyes and how their mind is just spinning and not really paying proper attention to you, especially if they’re texting at the same time.

A real connection with another human being takes place when I have a true appreciation of myself and okayness of who I am.  When I feel whole and complete within me, then I can truly be here for you. Hence, I created the adage, When I love me, then I can love you too.

This is because when I feel good enough about me that I don’t need to worry about me, I can truly be of service to you and focus on what I can purely do for you, rather than have the attitude of “what’s in it for me?” When my Ego shuts down,’ my Soul turns on and I usually have deep and meaningful¬†interactions with you or anyone I come in contact with.

When you are being you, then you can naturally be happy, funny, creative and patient towards another person. ¬†All the good feelings, intelligence, and wisdom you need to naturally connect to the other person naturally emerge because it’s all already inside you. ¬†It was just temporarily hidden by all of your egocentric thoughts. With a clear mind, you’ll learn to connect, more often to this space within yourself and as a byproduct, you’ll find yourself more relaxed as you get along better with people and make friends more easily.

The first port of call is not to take what you think so seriously. ¬†We are often very hard on ourselves and as a result of our false insecure version of ourselves, we wonder through life with struggles and under performance towards our goals. ¬†If only we would believe in this innate ability we’ve all been blessed with, then we’ll give birth to a revelation of new potential where more gets done with less effort.

How would your life be if you realized that all your worries and troubles are an inside-out job? This means that for you to experience any worry, it can’t happen unless you think it. ¬†And what would happen to the worry if you didn’t think it, or even if you thought it, but you didn’t take it so seriously?

Now, I’m¬†not¬†telling you that you have to try and control your thoughts and especially the worrying ones. They look super real and very difficult to control yourself not to think of them. ¬†What I am saying, however, is to know the fact that they are all just thoughts made up in the moment. ¬†We are living in the feeling of our thoughts.

So what did happen with Dave’s meeting in the end? The good news is that just as I ‘prophetically predicted’ to him, that he was making a mountain out of a molehill, which was, in fact, the case. ¬†And in this meeting, he was so good they offered him more hours on his job!

Because he was focused, not on himself and his thinking, but rather on how he could be of service to the other person while he was very comfortable knowing that he’s going to be fine, whatever the outcome. ¬†And exactly the same thing happens with every human who learns what it means to be clear.

Just knowing this and the deeper you become grounded with this, the quicker you’ll recover from your own personal ‘thoughts storms’ and have greater success in all your endeavors. ¬†I dare you not to take your feelings and thinking so seriously next time someone upsets you. ¬†Just catch yourself in the act of thinking and watch like an observer what happens to your feelings. ¬†For me, it usually calms down fairly quickly and gracefully. ¬†But I’m trying or in a rush, because I’m a human too and we all dip in and out of this awareness of the fact that we think and hence create our experiences moment to moment.

One of my clients, let’s call him Dave, when he first started coming to me was always very nervous about his meetings that he was called into to at work. ¬†He was always trying to plan everything out of what he was going to say and was always worried about how he would rate by his bosses and his other colleagues.

We discussed the fact that all our thoughts are just made up by us in the moment and very often are illusions coming from our insecure imagination. ¬†I always tell my clients not to trust their thinking when they feel yuck inside. ¬†That’s a ‘warning light’ going off from your body telling you not to trust your thinking in this moment. When you feel yuck inside and full of worry about something, your objectivity is skewed and you won’t make very good decisions then.

That’s a good time to have some time out and leave it till your thinking calms down and then you can revisit the situation with less emotion and more objectivity. ¬†Never try to solve a problem when you’re angry and fearful. ¬†But if there is a fire going on in the house and you’re scared, that’s great because that will fuel you to get out of the danger quickly. ¬†In most situations, however, you can calmly walk away till your ‘psychological fire’ cools off.

When Dave developed his understanding of a clear mind he began to understand that he can’t be fully there when he’s up in his head. ¬†This doesn’t just apply to Dave but to everyone, even you.

You will never truly be there for someone when your mind is preoccupied. ¬†If I’m always worried about me and my issues and how I look and what other people think, then I can’t really be here for you and listen to you with the proper attention you deserve.

I’m always worried, thinking, ‚Äúhow stupid will I look in front of my friend? ¬†Will, what I say be respected? How will it go down in front of everyone?” ¬†And this goes on and on and on. ¬†And while all this is spinning in my head like a never ending washing machine, my friend is talking to me and I’m there, but not really there.

Have you ever spoken to a friend¬†but they’re not really there? ¬†It’s not only in the words they’re saying but it’s in the body language and even in the energy they project¬†when you speak to them. ¬†You can usually see it in their eyes and how their mind is just spinning and not really paying proper attention to you, especially if they’re texting at the same time.

A real connection with another human being takes place when I have a true appreciation of myself and okayness of who I am.  When I feel whole and complete within me, then I can truly be here for you. Hence, I created the adage, When I love me, then I can love you too.

This is because when I feel good enough about me that I don’t need to worry about me, I can truly be of service to you and focus on what I can purely do for you, rather than have the attitude of “what’s in it for me?” When my Ego shuts down,’ my Soul turns on and I usually have deep and meaningful¬†interactions with you or anyone I come in contact with.

When your are being you, then you can naturally be happy, funny, creative and patient towards another person. ¬†All the good feelings, intelligence, and wisdom you need to naturally connect to the other person naturally emerge because it’s all already inside you. ¬†It was just temporarily hidden by all of your egocentric thoughts.

With a clear mind, you’ll learn to connect, more often to this space within yourself and as a byproduct, you’ll find yourself more relaxed as you get along better with people and make friends more easily.

The first port of call is not to take what you think so seriously. ¬†We are often very hard on ourselves and as a result of our false insecure version of ourselves, we wonder through life with struggles and under performance towards our goals. ¬†If only we would believe in this innate ability we’ve all been blessed with, then we’ll give birth to a revelation of new potential where more gets done with less effort.

How would your life be if you realized that all your worries and troubles are an inside-out job? ¬†This means that for you to experience any worry, it can’t happen unless you think it. ¬†And what would happen to the worry if you didn’t think it, or even if you thought it, but you didn’t take it so seriously?

Now, I’m not¬†telling you that you have to try and control your thoughts and especially the worrying ones. They look super real and very difficult to control yourself not to think of them. ¬†What I am saying, however, is to know the fact that they are all just thoughts made up in the moment. ¬†We are living in the feeling of our thoughts.

So what did happen with Dave’s meeting in the end? The good news is that just as I ‘prophetically predicted’ to him, that he was making a mountain out of a molehill, which was, in fact, the case. ¬†And in this meeting, he was so good they offered him more hours on his job! ¬†This was because he was focused, not on himself and his thinking, but rather on how he could be of service to the other person while he was very comfortable knowing that he’s going to be fine, whatever the outcome. ¬†And exactly the same thing happens with every human who learns what it means to be clear.

Just knowing this and the deeper you become grounded with this, the quicker you’ll recover from your own personal ‘thoughts storms’ and have greater success in all your endeavors. ¬†I dare you not too take your feelings and thinking so seriously next time someone upsets you. ¬†Just catch yourself in the act of thinking and watch like an observer what happens to your feelings. ¬†For me, it usually calms down fairly quickly and gracefully. ¬†But I’m trying or in a rush, because I’m a human too and we all dip in and out of this awareness of the fact that we think and hence create our experiences moment to moment.

How to solve problems without all the angst and pain

 

At this time of the year, we often look back with many thoughts on our mind. Here’s how it often works with an untrained mind.

I have a problem.
I think about a solution.
It eludes me.
So I think harder and harder about a solution.
The problem becomes bigger and bigger, the solution seems farther away, and I become exhausted. Sounds familiar?

I don’t know about you, but I find that the harder I think, the more my head spins endlessly like the washing machine that never ended its rinse cycle. ¬†I inevitably grasp at straws, while innocently believing that my efforts of thinking harder are going to bring results…eventually. ¬†And that’s the lie many of us live.

It doesn’t work this way. Beneath all of the “problem” thinking we fixate on is a space from which all of our answers lie.

A solution is not a direct result of the thinking process. It is a gift the comes as a flash of insight from within deep inside the spark that is always shining within us.

Is it possible that instead of thinking harder with all the ego effort I could muster, the effort is in understanding? Understanding is another way of saying that we just gently allow answers to reveal themselves from a deeper source via insight without heavy thought.

Our problems would feel quite different if they weren’t accompanied by the stress of having to find a solution.

What if solutions arise at the exact perfect moment I need them, and all I need to “do” is notice them? Then I’ll have what I need to know how to proceed to make better decisions to solve my problems and eureka,¬†I’m free!

If you haven’t yet watched the video please do so as it will further consolidate on what you have read in this post. ¬†Click on the picture below and it will take you to the video.

Wishing you all well over the Holidays with a clear mind to enable you to make those seemingly difficult decisions with greater ease.

To enhance your understanding of problem solving, watch  the video below.

 

 

Obama Misunderstanding

Falling into the misunderstanding of where feelings come from

falling into the misunderstanding

Falling into the misunderstanding that our agitated feelings are caused by something other than our feelings in the moment.

If we fall into the misunderstanding that our agitated feelings are caused by other people, then we’re more likely to experience resentment, hostility and have other relationship problems. Today I sit in awe when I see this happen¬†because it’s one of the world’s greatest and believable lies we¬†all fall in and out of all the time.

This is one of the biggest challenges that we live with as human beings. ¬†“It’s always because of the person out there that I’m upset.” ¬†How many times have you heard yourself complain and say, ¬†“it’s her fault that I’m upset?” How many times have our friends and family said the same thing? ¬†But I now know that there is a better and healthier way to live.

We don’t experience anything unless it goes through our thinking first

It’s simply our level of understanding or the lack thereof,¬†that gets us to believe that we are experiencing life from the outside-in, i.e. that the outside world is responsible for how we feel. Now I know you may be thinking that ¬†it doesn’t look that way but I invite you to at least reflect on the idea and the possibility, that in truth we don’t experience anything unless it goes through our thinking first. ¬†This is what we call the inside-out approach. ¬†It’s a much more healthy and peaceful way to live.

Taking 100% responsibility  for our feelings can be scary

This is a much better approach because it allows us to take 100% responsibility for what we are experiencing moment to moment. ¬†But this can be scary because it might be easier in some ways to buy into the lie that our negative feelings are caused by other people, it allows us to shirk our own responsibility for our feelings by putting the blame on someone else. ¬†It’s almost like we secretly want to fall into the misunderstanding of where our feelings are coming from so we can point the proverbial finger outwards, at someone else instead of inwards back to ourselves.

Our Ego that loves to point the finger at somebody else for our own thoughts of frustration

Imagine what happens when your partner tells you, ¬†“when you leave that mess on the table, it upsets me. ¬†When you start talking about the football, I feel left out.” ¬†Now if my partner accuses me of this, doesn’t mean I should be insensitive to her feelings. ¬†But if I’m aware of the outside-in experience she’s having, and the fact that she doesn’t yet understand the outside-in lie she is currently living in, I can at least be sympathetic and understanding if I’m not caught up in the same lie as well! ¬†And even if I am caught up in my own self-righteous thinking, ¬†I usually calm down pretty quickly when I realise that I was blaming her for my frustration when she accused me. ¬†This ¬†all happens because we have been temporarily blinded by our Ego that wants to point the finger at somebody else for our own thinking that might be bringing a temporary experience of frustration.

Getting Hoodwinked and the low state of mind

When we get are temporarily hoodwinked into thinking that something other than my thinking is causing my stress, we’re usually in a very low state of mind. ¬†Our mind states are like the waves of the sea. ¬†They’re always going up and down. Our mood is another way of referring to our state of mind. ¬†When you’re in a rotten mood or low state of mind, life on the outside usually doesn’t look very nice. ¬†When my kids don’t clean up after themselves, they better stay out of the way when I’m in a rotten mood because the “mess out there” is going to upset me. ¬†(Again, I forgot that in truth nothing upsets me except for me).

I’m now in a low state of mind where I’ve been hit by the proverbial “outside-in” approach. ¬† And when that happens, get out of my way because I’m going to start yelling and screaming at the kids to clean up their mess because they upset me, ‘they’ are the cause of my stress. ¬†And it looks so real that my consciousness, my current understanding is skewed and limited to what I can see in this moment, which is not serving me very well because it’s like dealing with a closed book that is non-negotiable. ¬†At this stage, I’m not willing to be open and¬†see if there is anything that I can’t yet see. ¬†Is there anything there that I don’t yet know?

Catching myself in the act is the beginning of the salvation

But once I’m onto myself and ‘catch myself in the act’; that begins the salvation from the lie I’ve been caught up in. ¬†It’s an awareness that we are always dipping in and out of depending on where our state of mind is. ¬†When we hold on to our heavy investments of our ideas without the realisation that there could be another way, there could be something out there that we still don’t know, we are just like the blind groping in the dark of our limited vision of the world. ¬†And we spin out of control by ruminating over and over again at how unfair it all is.

Humility and lightness happen when we let go of our heavily invested thoughts

The magic happens when we get humble and drop our Ego of what we’re currently invested via our thinking. ¬†The feeling is wonderful like having a heavy weight taken off us when we realise that we don’t always have the answers. ¬†We then become a receptacle for something bigger, new and fresh thoughts begin to come to us. ¬†I feel much lighter and happier inside. Sometimes I amaze myself by what I come up with in a state of clarity.

It’s like looking into infinity

It all happens when I’m willing to let go and look beyond my current thinking and awareness. The best way to describe is that it’s like looking into infinity and waiting to see what manifests in a tangible way. ¬†It’s like watching something come from the formless into form. ¬†That’s how it works with thought. ¬†Let me make it very clear that it does, however, happen when I’m not trying. ¬†I know that sounds counter intuitive but that is how it happens. ¬†If you try to force it then it usually doesn’t happen.

The situation didn’t change but my thoughts¬†changed

All of sudden the other person who was the cause of my problems becomes less significant. The situation doesn’t change but my feelings on it did and that just made it much more cope-able. ¬†The other person who was the ¬†original source of my problem doesn’t become such a problem anymore. ¬†This is because I ‘woke up’ and remembered that 100% of my experience is coming via my thinking and not anyone else’s. ¬†At this point, I just bought out of the lie of the outside-in approach and dipped right back into the inside-out paradigm of life.

The downs are more graceful and the highs are even higher

As my awareness of the principles grows, I find my downs are more graceful because I often wake up in the middle of my rage and realise, “hey, this too will pass.” ¬†So I don’t get as angry anymore because I always know I have this innate health inside that will always show up when I’m open to it and it will give me the answers I need. ¬†When my thinking calms down, I’m open to an insight – a sight from within which comes from beyond what I currently know.

Life is a like a Seesaw

You’re always going to get through it because you have the inner GPS that’s always sending out signals on how to cope and deal with any situation you’re put in. ¬†When you let go and just relax without trying and doing, ¬†that’s when you become open to something new. ¬†You go from falling into the misunderstanding to falling out of it. ¬†And life is like a Seesaw¬†because you’re going to fall into it and fall out of it again and again. ¬†Don’t beat yourself up when this happens because we all do it and that’s fine. ¬†It’s called the human condition that we are all part of.

If you haven’t already please watch the video and I would love to see your comments and any views you have on this.

 

 

 

 

 

respect but don't take it personally

Respect but don’t always take it personally

Respect but don’t always take it personally.

Being respectful without always taking things personally has become part of my nature as a byproduct of not taking my thinking on most things too seriously.

It doesn’t mean Life and people are a joke.

It certainly doesn’t mean life is a big joke and that I don’t take anyone or anything seriously. It does, however, mean that I ¬†will put my thoughts under the ‘examination magnifying glass’ in order to determine how serious the situation is. ¬†This will apply both to people and situations.

I had a friend come to me to today with a problem that he needed my help with. ¬†As I was listening, my thoughts started to bombard me causing me to move into judgement as well things that I needed to tell him. ¬†But then I woke up! ¬†I realised that this is not the time for me to be inserting my own thoughts in at the moment. ¬†What I wanted to do was be what we call in the Three principles is to be in a deep state of listening. ¬†You can’t be fully present listening to your friend when you’re busy thinking, “what am I going to say next,” to counter what he’s telling me.

Thought slow down

As a result, I just slowed my thoughts down to just being present with him so I could fully hear what he was telling me without ‘me’ interfering with his message. ¬†The byproduct of this is that you fall into a very good feeling which helps create a warm connection with the other person.

He himself is a Psychologist and pretty set in his ways. ¬†My own innate health or my inner being was telling me that I don’t think this was the right time to explain the three principles to him. ¬†I didn’t feel that it was the right time for this. ¬†That’s at least was my insight at that moment. ¬†My main goal at the time was just to be present with him and make sure that I fully heard what he had to tell me. ¬†He opened up quite a lot, more than what I’ve ever seen and I suspect that it was because¬†I was fully present to what he was telling me at the time.

Evolving rather than doing

Let me make this clear. ¬†It’s not something I do as much as something that I have evolved into after learning the principles and helping many others do the same thing. ¬†Soon as you start getting caught up in ‘doing’ you lose the ‘flavour’ of the moment. ¬†It’s just not the same as being in a state of realisation. ¬†It’s more of an understanding of where you are that things automatically change without effort. ¬†It’s something you see. ¬†When I saw that my thoughts were over bombarding me at the time my friend was pouring out his heart to me, I didn’t have to settle down my thinking, it just happened automatically.

The answers for my clients usually lie within them

And that is where the magic happens because you move into a deep connection with yourself as well as the person. ¬†And that did happen with my friend. ¬†This conversation was ‘friend to friend’ and as a result, he wanted an answer which is something I usually shy away from as a practitioner because the answers of my clients always lie within them. All is what I do is point them into the deeper recesses of their own innate health.

When you’re coming from a loving space it will enter into their heart too

But because the time wasn’t right in this particular case, I acted like a ‘friend’ and gave him some advice. ¬†But the beauty over here was that it wasn’t like the type of what I would call ‘desperate advice’ where, “you better listen to me and do this or else it will be a disaster,” rather it was advice coming from a very loving deep place from within myself and hopefully entering into the heart of the other person as well, which I could tell it did. ¬†You know this when you have a good feeling inside yourself as you are talking to the other person.

And the best part is that I didn’t personalise any of this. ¬†I didn’t take anything he was saying so seriously or personally that I was attached to the outcome. ¬†I was, however, respectful of him and what he was saying every step of the way. ¬†This is what I mean when I said ¬†that I respect people and life but don’t always take them personally.

Paradox of results

And the paradox of outcomes is, that the less attached you are to the result, the easier it is to have that outcome. It may not always go the way you’d ultimately like to, but because you’re not taking the situation so personally things usually work out better in the long term even if you can’t see it that way at the present moment. ¬†And often what might seem the worst thing out that happened might indeed be the best thing for you right now even if you can’t see it!

Advice without attachment

And in regards to my friend, I had no attachment to the outcome, and I felt that I was really heard, appreciated and had a good connection to him when it was my turn to speak. ¬†Again this was felt even on a physical plane as I was speaking to him and I could also see from his body language that it was all going along nicely. ¬†When you speak respectfully from the heart without attachment, it can go a really long way. ¬†I really did care for him and his plight but it didn’t mean I had to be attached to whether he would listen to me or not.

Takeaway

So the takeaway from today is that when we don’t take our ¬†thinking so seriously we usually as a byproduct¬†are more respectful to others and the situation usually becomes aless pressing since circumstances and people only become desperate when we think they do. ¬†Here’s the video. ¬†I’m sure if you’ve come this far you’ll enjoy it.

 

 

 

No one upsets me except me

 

no one upsets me

No one upsets me except me is a meme I came up with ¬†when I was working with one of my clients. ¬†At first, it may sound a bit weird but it really is true. ¬†I just watched my own video on this post which I found very useful because I just fell into the trap myself believing that it was my son who made me angry. ¬†Just watching this calmed me down, taking me out of the blame frame where I’m pointing outwards at someone else when they didn’t do what ‘I’ wanted. There I go again getting caught up in my own Ego. ¬†It’s everyone else’s fault except mine!

No one upsets me except me – the realization through my own video!

But after watching my own video and reminding myself that I can’t get upset and unless I decide to, I just miraculously calmed down a bit and realised that if I leave the issue at hand for even a few minutes, my opinion about what should have happened might not change but, I’ll at least get quiet enough, to have some fresh less judgmental thinking about the situation at hand.

My darling son was supposed to call someone regarding a job I was involved in helping him get. The problem is that he only got married a few weeks ago and hasn’t really come back down to earth yet. I felt bad because of my involvement and commitment I gave to the other party that he was going to make this call for the job and he still hasn’t taken any action.

Just imagine how embarrassed I felt when I bumped into this person today and ¬†found out that my son still hasn’t called. ¬†Then I started burning inside with a feeling of betrayal¬†and being let down, my Ego was in full swing, but it didn’t last long. The good news was, that when I rang my son, he wasn’t available to take the call. It was exactly what I needed at the time because I know when I speak to him next, I’m still going to tell him what I think needs to be done, but I’ll be more loving and understanding to his limits when I give him my piece of mind in a calmer more strategic way. This is because I have had ‘some breathing space,’ to allow for fresh clearer and calmer thoughts to come in.

The point I’ve learned from all this is that I’ll be okay even if he doesn’t do exactly what I want him to do. ¬†And I know that the less invested I am in my own thinking about how things should exactly work out, the better off everything will be.

This is what I call the paradox of results. ¬†The less attached I am to an outcome, the greater chances I have of it actually taking place. ¬†There were these Olympic runners and one scored the Gold and the other the Bronze. ¬†They asked the Bronze what was going on with him when he was running. ¬†He said, “I just kept on telling myself, that I’ve gotta get this and I was very tense as I was huffing and puffing and just pushing myself to get first to the finish line and I just couldn’t get to first place!” ¬†They then interviewed the Gold medalist and he said, “I just thought I give it my best shot and I was just running my hardest but I don’t really know what happened and the next minute I won the race!”

And that’s the point, he didn’t really know what happened because he didn’t have so much ‘heavy’ thinking about the outcome on his mind while he was running.

It really is amazing what you can do when you don’t have so much on your mind while you’re doing anything. ¬†It doesn’t mean don’t think. ¬†But when we are too hard on ourselves and we don’t feel good inside or we might even feel tight and uncomfortable in our bodies, then this is feedback from ourselves/our bodies, that perhaps doing a certain activity at this time of discomfort is not the right time. ¬†Maybe just push it off for even a little while.

If you haven’t watched the video, please do, it might just calm you down like it did for me. ¬†But as time goes by I find myself becoming increasingly more grounded in my understanding of the principles by Sydney Banks which just increases my peace and well-being.

When I become angry or upset which happens less often since I’ve learned the principles, I find that I am ‘on to myself,’ where I catch that uncomfortable feeling inside me and realise it’s time to just ‘step back’ for a while and see what new thoughts come up for me as I get quiet ¬†again. This is the realization of the fact that that nobody upsets me except me. ¬†Then I usually become receptive to a broader state of consciousness where these new thoughts which I call insights, come up for me and it has a soft warm pleasurable feeling and then I may use them to help me with any issue I have at hand.

Please let me know if you have been upset disappointed or angry and then you ‘caught yourself in the act’ when you felt uncomfortable in your body or in your mind. ¬†This is a great sign of progress in your own grounding in the Principles which definitely leads to greater peace happiness and well-being. ¬†So leave your comments below and if you haven’t already click on the video below which will explain this further.

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Freedom from the Prison of our thoughts

We create our own prison bars through the restricting thoughts we have about life. Even animals do as well. ¬†When Elephants are very young they are roughhoused through play wrestling with their masters. ¬†Because they are very small when this is done, they remember this throughout their lives to such an extent that even when they are many times the size of their master they still fear them. ¬†What also happens is that they chain the Elephants to a pole when very young. ¬†The baby Elephant tries to free itself from this by pulling on the chain and sees that it can’t and after a while just gives up. ¬†It doesn’t enter the Elephant’s mind to give a tug on the chain when its older because its mind has already been preconditioned to this from its youth.

Adults are the same .  We have certain experiences when we are young and this carries on in to our adulthood where we make decisions based on experiences that what happened so long ago.  When I was very young, a dog jumped on me and from that trauma, I instinctively made that same connection to every dog I saw for a very long time in my life.  Eventually I got over it, but it did take a long time.

Life hits most of us and then we become a prison of our thoughts because of this. ¬†But the good news is that we can free ourselves from our self created prison if we are just open minded enough to see it’s¬†coming from. ¬†It’s just a thought that we have continued to hold on to from the past. ¬†Our thoughts create our experience. ¬†If you don’t like the program your watching what do you do? ¬†You just change the channel. ¬†So to with our thoughts. ¬†If I don’t like the current experience I’m having, I just realize that its a thought and it will pass like the clouds and then I’ll be open to having a new thought and hence, a new experience.

Enjoy the video below as it encapsulates the idea of what it means to be a prisoner who is chained down by limiting thoughts and how to free yourself from them.

By the mere fact that you exist, you count.

Often we beat up on ourselves and with some it could be to the point of suicide. ¬†But when we realize that by the mere fact that you exist, you count, you’re special and have something unique and valuable to contribute to other, life starts really becoming more meaningful and enjoyable. ¬†Most of all, its worth staying alive and living.

Suicide can often happen because of a feeling of self worth. ¬†Imagine what it would be like to know that you are really worth something. ¬†I’m not talking about monetary worth although money is a great thing when used properly and can make our life easier. ¬†But at the end of the day what are we really here for? ¬†Is it just for money? ¬†I don’t think so. ¬†Its to help make the world a better place both for yourself and for others.

This video shows you how to to go about that with some help from the Three Principles by Sydney Banks. ¬†Often when we just step back and slow down we become open to seeing something new. ¬†The hidden and Divine intelligence behind life is always communicating with us. ¬†We often however just have to much noise that’s getting in the ¬†way. But when we just quiet down a little bit, enough to hear the inner call of our own inner voice that’s behind the noise, behind our extraneous and ruminating thoughts, we become a vessel to receive something new.

Getting quiet can take all shapes of forms from meditation to just sitting and looking at a cute little baby. ¬†And sometimes when you do this, you get some clues to problems and some greater appreciation of who we all are. ¬†I hope you enjoy this video below which is a further elaboration of what I’ve discussed here.

I have no ‘To Be’ list

To Be, To Do, or maybe both?

No need for a todo list

 

 

 

 

 

 

I always use To Do lists. ¬†They’re¬†great¬†because it makes sure I take care of the many details that we all need to take care of¬†in our lives. ¬†But there is a trend to also write out ‘To Be’ lists. ¬†When however, you have the understanding of the three principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought, there is no need to strive to be, because you already are.

You have all the potential in you already! ¬†And it’s not something you need to do or put up on a To Be list. ¬†We already have the kindness, we already have love, we already have creativity and all the other wonderful things in potential there already. ¬†We can uncover them when we are ¬†aware of who we truly are. ¬†Click on the icon below this image to see what I’m speaking about. ¬†And always remember, you are so much more than what you realize.