How to stop the tears and build a great relationship

Share the joy
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Do you ever find that you argue with your partner or friends to the point of tears? Well, I would do that too in my earlier years before learning the principles behind a clear mind.

The Separate Realities we all live in
We all live in our own understanding of what we see and hence think in the moment. And what you see and think will be different to what I see and I think. Hence our experiences will be different from each other. And this is what creates separate realities that we all live in.

Same Movie, different experience
If we were watching a movie together, you might get all caught up in the story of how they fell in love together and I might get all caught up in the guns and fast cars. We saw the same movie but had two totally different experiences? Why is that? Because you don’t experience the movie directly rather you experience it based on what you THINK about the movie.This is what we call separate realities.

Knowing this is so powerful because it calmed me down from the need of having to impose my idea on someone else till I was blue in the face and they were worn out from hearing me till they got it or didn’t get it. One thing for sure always happened; it created great discord between the two of us.

Less angst between myself, my partner and friends
As a result, there is a lot less angst and hardship between my spouse and my friends when they didn’t get what I saw. My wellbeing is now more intact because I know it is not dependent on whether they see what I understand. I can also be more respectful towards our differences without feeling any need to shove my ideas down somebody else’s throat. In fact, I now enjoy seeing and appreciating someone’s different approach without any need to control them and move them to see my perspective.

The illusion of something wrong with either me or you
I used to fall into the illusion that when you didn’t believe what I did, there must be something either wrong with me or you. And this would cause a lot of outside-in thinking and reactions from me. I was trapped and stuck in the illusion that you need to think the same as me or the world will fall apart. Maybe I didn’t think the world would fall apart but I certainly acted as if it would when people didn’t see my point of view.

Respect and embrace diversity
But then I learned the about the principles behind a clear mind and how life really works. I didn’t waste time thinking or worrying about people who didn’t think like me. This put me in such a powerful position to respect and embrace diversity rather than be annoyed or afraid of it.

Better communication
The truth is that you can never really have my thoughts and I cannot actually have yours. No two minds think exaclty alike. As much as I feel that it would be better that you would think like me, it cannot happen. And when I realized this, I was able to think and communicate more and more effectively since I wasn’t overly attached to my point of view.

I think I’m right and they think they’re right
I’ve had many arguments where I was so sure that I was right. The problem is that the same thing happens with the other person when they think that what they believe is true and we just end up in one big argument where we are both absolutely sure that the other person is wrong and we’re absolutely right. This happens when you get so caught up in your own thinking that it stops you from seeing a bigger picture.

And we all do the same thing believing what we think is true. But really, it doesn’t matter what is right and what is wrong. When you understand this concept of separate realities you see that they think differently than you. So, rather than feeling that I need to convince them of what I believe to be correct and having this need to convince them that they’re wrong and that I need to correct them, I now just let go. This awareness points you to the impersonal realization that we all think differently.

Being the nice guy without judgment

Once I understood this, I became a lot ‘nicer’ because people didn’t have to think like me. And now when people think differently it doesn’t mean it’s a criticism of me. This insight which removes the misunderstanding of where my experience really comes from, allows me to be kinder towards people who are having a different experience and understanding than I do. It just gets rid of enormous amounts of judgment.

World Peace
If more people will understand this concept of separate realities there would be so much less conflict in the world. Families will find more peace, friends, and partners would have fewer fights and it can even go to a global level with more peace in the world.

Now when people have different views from me, I don’t take it so personally where I need to force them to think like me or force them into doing like I do.

Different thinking wife with a happy life
My wife thinks differently than I do, but my love for her goes beyond our ideas and beliefs. I don’t need to be with someone who thinks the same as me. So you can very comfortably hang out with people who don’t share the same ideas as you because they don’t need to be exactly like you to happily hang out with you.

This understanding removes an enormous amount of judgment whereas before when I would see my wife’s shopping as superficial, I now see it as that she just thinks differently than me and that eradicates my judgment of her which is so powerful and beneficial to our relationship.

I challenge you!
Next time, see if you can catch yourself living in a separate reality when you are at odds with someone. There is nothing to do, but rather to understand that my little bubble will always be a little different in color than yours. Knowing this will stop the tears and create the greatest relationships with so much happiness you never thought possible.

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