Author Archives: arongross

How free will you be when you wake up to the fact that you don’t need the past?


One thought away from freedom
It’s just so freeing knowing that the past is just a bunch of memories kept alive in your experience via thought. The best part is that you are always one thought away from freedom of your past if you don’t want to be beholden by it.

All movies eventually end
It’s sad that so much suffering takes place because of the stories of the past we hold on to. What we think, we experience. And the good news is if you don’t like the movie and you can’t even change the channel to get rid of it because all the rest of the family are watching it, the movie will eventually come to an end by itself. And thoughts work in exactly the same way. They always come and go and we don‚Äôt have to be under their spell if we realize the fact of thought, the fact that we think and have an experience.

Where does your enjoyment really come from?
And even better than this is realizing that your enjoyment experience of that movie is not from the movie itself. That is the illusion we all fall into from time to time. But your enjoyment is in fact, from your thinking about the movie. This one idea transcends the content of our thinking because we are looking to the fact of thought rather than get caught up in the ‚Äėaction packed movie‚Äô¬† content of our thought.

No two experiences are exactly alike
If in truth if your feelings and experience were coming from the movie then everyone watching the same movie would have an identical experience. That, however, is never the case. This is because no two people think exactly the same, not even two twins. They may have similar experiences but never identical because no two minds think exactly alike.

The past is just another movie. The fact of thought
Your past really is just another movie playing in your head. And you don’t even need to control those thoughts to try and change and manipulate them because very often it doesn’t work and can even make things worse. When, however, you go past the content of thought which is past memories and realize the fact – I think and have a feeling/experience from this, what usually happens is you see the past as a self-generated thought illusion and calm down either very quickly or slowly. There are no rules here in regards to the exact recovery that takes place when people wake up to their thought generated illusion.¬† Different people will have different recovery times and experiences from challenging, catastrophic or frustrating thoughts.

Thoughts move continually like clouds
But at the end of the day, it is all just thought and thoughts never last forever as they keep on moving and changing like clouds in the sky. And the freedom you experience from this is truly liberating. It liberates you from the shackles of your own thought generated constructs that you were holding on to so tightly. You didn’t think that there could be anything else but what you believed at the time since it looked so real.

Superstitious thinking becomes moot
When people believed the Earth was flat they had all sorts of superstitious thinking at the time. Will I fall off the edge of the Earth and go to Hell? Will I fall off the edge of the Earth and fall into outer space? However, once they discovered that the Earth was indeed round and gravity was holding us down on here so we don’t float off the planet, these superstitious questions became moot, they simply became obsolete because that’s not how the world works. And the best part is that there was no work or effort to be done, just an understanding of how the world works.

The misunderstanding
So too with the principles behind a clear mind. There is no work to be done once you see that you are living in the feeling of your thinking. Soon as that happens, you are free. The illusion we all fall into is a misunderstanding that we think our agitated feelings are coming from somewhere else other than thought in the present moment. We think it’s caused by other people or things out there. Then we often experience resentment, hostility and have other relationship problems. However, when we catch ourselves out by asking ourselves where our experience is coming from, we fall out of our precious little Ego that was holding on so tightly to our little limiting beliefs. We realize that stuff happens out there but I still have a choice 100% of the time of how I want to think about it.

Notice where your experience is coming from
So, next time someone says something inappropriate to you or does something you don’t like, notice where your experience is coming from. Do you perceive it as it is coming from the person or the thing out there? Alternatively, can you see it as no matter what happens out there I get to experience it 100% of the time based on what I think? This doesn’t mean you must control your thinking. Just noticing that your experience is coming 100% from thought in the moment will help take the edge of the situation and you’ll calm down either very quickly or more easily with time than you ever did before.

When the thought storm settles
Once we recover from our thought storm, we’re usually more open to insight or a wider view of life to be able to move and act more strategically on the situation. This is because we are now looking at what is rather, than what we think it should or should not be.

Handle the unpleasant situations with more grace and peace of mind
Just noticing where your experience is coming from is enough to psychologically jolt yourself out of the illusion and allow you to fall back into the present. It might be an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation as well; this is okay because not all situations are pleasant. However, when we let go of the illusion of our own excessive commentaries that often point at someone or something to blame, our inner resilience shines through like the sun. It is always behind the clouds and it allows us to handle the down time more gracefully till we get through the ‘storm.’

Listen to your personal, fascinating unique voice


When was the last time you listened to yourself in a deep way?
We’re always listening to the advice of others. However, when was the last time you listened to the advice of yourself? Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t listen to other people; that’s not the case at all. But what I am saying is that we often get so drowned out by the hype and noise of the situation coupled with the advice of our friends that we forget to ask the deeper side of ourselves what we really want. What is our inner calling telling us?

The noise interference of good decision making
And this is where things can go awry. I remember in the earlier days doing business deals where I got carried away by the hype and didn’t listen to my own inner voice that always has my back. Because of all the noise going on in the front of things, I got carried away.

Your inner voice is often very subtle and you need to be aware that it actually exists to hear its whispering message. We however often forget to listen because of the noise interference going on around us. And you don’t need to beat yourself up over this. It’s perfectly normal to forget that there is always our innate wisdom to call on when making important decisions.

When you know that you don’t know, your Ego has dropped and you’re open to seeing something new
Listen to the advice of your friends. Some of them are very knowledgeable and can give good advice. However, at the same time make sure it resonates with the depths of your soul of who you are. That is all I’m saying; so don’t walk away thinking you don’t have to listen to anyone anymore except for yourself. It really is a combination of the two. When your Ego drops, you’ll be open to something you don’t yet know. The trick is that when you know that you don’t know, that’s when you’ll be open to seeing something new. That’s what we call an insight. So, be comfortable with the unknown as it can be your friend rather than foe.

Insight happens when the blockage to seeing something new is removed.
This blockage is what I call the Ego that holds on tightly to old stale thinking that precludes us from seeing a new and wider perspective of whatever we are looking at. When the thinking settles down, and we almost give up trying if you will, that’s when you’ll be open to seeing something new. Once the Ego drops and we fall out of our thinking, we fall into the now, we fall into the present as we are free from the shackles of our old stale thinking.

It starts happening when you just stop
Have you ever lost the keys and then give up after looking everywhere for them? Once you ‘give up,’ you’ll be surprised how they can just turn up. And it’s not just the keys, it could be anything that you’re putting a lot of effort into. Suddenly¬†when you just stop, you can find this new perspective that can propel you forward in many different areas of your life.

Many years ago in another life as a computer programmer, I was working with another contractor and we just couldn’t debug the program to get it running properly. I’ll never forget what happened. He went home, I went home, and in the middle of my sleep I woke up as though from a nightmare and knew exactly what flag was not set in the code! When I went back the following morning, I knew exactly what to change in the code and the program started running correctly again. What a relief! Because my thinking mind was quiet during the night, I was open to an insight ‚Äď a sight from within. And it was just so crystal clear, I knew exactly what to do.

Don’t trust me, look for evidence in your own life to see if this works
Don’t take my word for any of this. Try it for yourself and look for evidence in your own life when you might have been quiet and open to seeing something new. From now on, I invite you to notice what messages you get from your own instinct, your own creativity, and intuition when you’re sensitive enough to listen to those subtle whispers from the inner core of who you are.

 

The art of life is actually letting go to be free


Have you ever found yourself holding on real tight to things? It can often be very pressuring and frustrating as well as restrictive.

Experiment
I want you to do an experiment with me right now. Take a pen and hold onto it tightly to the point that it can even feel a bit painful as you squeeze it very tightly. Now keep holding for about thirty seconds and feel the tension, feel the pain. After 30 seconds just let it drop out of your hand and notice the release of tension. Now how does it feel once you’ve let go? I’m sure you feel that release of tension and a bit of relief within your hand.

Married to thought
The same thing is with our thoughts. Because they look so real, we get so bogged down and wedded to them that they can feel restrictive, pressuring and even painful.

Objectifying things and people and getting hoodwinked about where our feelings are truly coming from ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†The good news is that when I catch myself in the act of having a strong feeling, I realize I’m in an Outside-In illusion. This means that I’m objectifying something or someone out there as being the creator of my feelings. That is where suffering can occur. It’s where we hoodwink ourselves into believing that our feelings are coming from somewhere other than thought in the moment.

Caught in thought

But when I realize this, I calm down and go back to living an inside-out reality where I realize that we are 100% of the time living in the feeling of our thinking. This is so freeing and powerful because it allows me to free myself from my own mental encumbrances that hold me for ‚Äėransom‚Äô and limit me from moving forward with my life.

Spiritual purpose of stress
Understand that stress is meant to come and go within you. This coming and going happens independently of circumstances. In fact, all feelings have a profound or spiritual purpose. In the case of stress, it’s to remind you that you’re not seeing life clearly; to prevent you from behaving in an unproductive, disingenuous, or untruthful manner.

Keep in mind: The ONLY way to hold stress in place, or become debilitated by stress, is to search for circumstantial (or outer) causes and then strategic (or outer) cures. Rather, see stress as an inner thing, or the normal and beneficial feeling that it truly is, and, rest assured, getting stressed about stress becomes pretty much impossible.

One thought away from suffering or freedom ¬† ¬†¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†It is so powerful knowing that we are always one thought away from suffering and one thought away from freedom. Just having a change of thought can change our experience for the better or the reverse and you’re always only one thought away from that. Now don’t get me wrong and think that I’m telling you to control your thoughts. I’m sorry, but you usually can’t. That’s not what this discussion is about. So many of the people think this at the very beginning when I start working with them. That’s why I always emphasize that this is not a doing but an understanding. And it’s not an intellectual understanding but a feeling, insightful understanding. When you understand something and get impacted, your thoughts automatically change and you’ll have a new experience where new behaviors¬†naturally occur without any effort.

Letting go
Next time you get stressed, what will happen if you see it for what it truly is? It’s a spiritual message telling you that you’re not seeing clearly in this moment which can cause you to be unproductive, disingenuous or untruthful. Once you expose it for what it truly is, you might then not take your thoughts so seriously because who you are is not your thoughts. Then, you might even just let it go and float by like the clouds that are always coming and going.

You’re life is upside down and you are blissfully worry free?

They say that there are a few things guaranteed in life; Death and Taxes. But they didn’t warn me about the rain damage! Our residence suffered a lot of rain damage together with the other people in our surrounding neighborhood.

Musical Chairs with beds and furniture!
The insurance has come through and we are in the process of getting our place repaired. Sounds great, doesn’t it. But if you look at the picture, our lounge room is not in the greatest of shape as we play musical chairs of furniture and beds being moved around while different parts of our place are in the process of being re-painted and repaired from the rain damage.

Do I have to think Positive?
In the old days before learning the principles behind a clear mind, I would have been beside myself in this situation. But today, I just know that we all live in the feeling of our thinking and I can’t change what is going on out there but I certainly can be aware of the ‘movie experience’ that I am watching via my thought. A lot of my clients ask me, “does that mean I have to think positive?” And the answer is always a resounding NO!

This is not about thought control. It may work sometimes, however, very often on serious issues or at least I perceive them as being serious, I just make the situation worse by getting embroiled in a fight with my mind and end up more stressed than before.

The Million Dollar question
So what should you DO? The answer may be counter-intuitive and frustrating at times but I’m going to tell you anyway – Nothing. Sorry if that lets you down. A lot of people are looking for a bunch of steps to follow to get to more peace and wellbeing but it usually doesn’t work that way. And it certainly didn’t ¬†work for me.

What did work?
So, what really did make it a game changer towards happiness for me was understanding the inside-out nature of life as opposed to the outside-in illusion that we all fall into from time to time. Inside-out is just saying that we understand that our experience/feelings are coming from within the system of how life works. And how life works is that we experience our life is from thought in the moment and not from things ‘out there.’

Outside-in is where we mistakenly think our experience is coming from something out there. In my case, it looks like all the house being topsy turvy could stress me. But I’m happy to say that it isn’t the case. This is because my interpretation of what is going on is 100% my choice always based on what I’m thinking in the present moment.

Separate Realities
Shainy my wife, on the other hand, doesn’t understand the principles behind a clear and calm mind and that is fine because we all live in our own separate reality based on what each of us thinks in the moment. My happiness is not contingent on having her understand what I understand. Maybe one day she will but that is not up to me. I can’t control what anyone thinks, certainly not my wonderful wife of 26 years.

Happily hanging out with people who don’t think like you
I don’t need to be with someone who thinks the same as me. So, you can very comfortably hang out with people who don’t share the same ideas as you because they don’t need to be exactly like you to happily hang out with you. You can hang out with people who have very different opinions and interests to you. We don’t have to get people to think like us. They can be beautifully unique just as they are without our judgments of them. Way back I would have an enormous amount of judgment of people who just didn’t think like me. I used to think that there was something wrong with them or possibly myself because they didn’t see it my way, but not anymore.

Shainy however, is stressed and that is fine given the thinking she has at the moment. This happens because she is objectifying her feelings on the mess and perceived stress at having everything in the house being moved around as we wait for the tiling, carpets, and painting to be finished together with our leaky roof. At this point in time, she can’t see that it is her thinking about the mess rather than the mess itself that is the source of her stress.

Same situation and living circumstances but two totally different experiences.
What I really find interesting is that even though it is uncomfortable navigating through the mess, I am okay with the mess and disarray we are temporarily living in, while she is going out of her mind from it. Same situation and living circumstances but two totally different experiences. And I find her getting upset over the smallest of things during this time because of the external mess we are currently in. Workers are coming in and out and it is an intrusion of our privacy together with all the drilling, and other noise disturbances. Even the neighbors are complaining about all the noise the workers are making.

But amazingly enough, I am fine with it, even though it is happening. It is not always pleasant to have these disturbances but I find that I’m experiencing them without the commentary of my mind intruding on the experience as I am more present with what is, rather that the stories that I could be inventing of what it could be or should be. I have assured Shainy that the builders will complete their work and it will all come to an end. I don’t know if that helps her very much but that is the reality of the way I currently see it.

The thought storm will eventually pass, it always does
There will be always a time when things get turned upside down and your experience of it is totally yours without the extra stories and self-righteousness of what you think ‘should’ and ‘could’ be if you choose to recognize that you are temporarily caught in a ‘thought-storm’ which will always pass.

Watch the video below to further consolidate this.

 

How to stop the tears and build a great relationship

 

Do you ever find that you argue with your partner or friends to the point of tears? Well, I would do that too in my earlier years before learning the principles behind a clear mind.

The Separate Realities we all live in
We all live in our own understanding of what we see and hence think in the moment. And what you see and think will be different to what I see and I think. Hence our experiences will be different from each other. And this is what creates separate realities that we all live in.

Same Movie, different experience
If we were watching a movie together, you might get all caught up in the story of how they fell in love together and I might get all caught up in the guns and fast cars. We saw the same movie but had two totally different experiences? Why is that? Because you don’t experience the movie directly rather you experience it based on what you THINK about the movie.This is what we call separate¬†realities.

Knowing this is so powerful because it calmed me down from the need of having to impose my idea on someone else till I was blue in the face and they were worn out from hearing me till they got it or didn’t get it. One thing for sure always happened; it created great discord between the two of us.

Less angst between myself, my partner and friends
As a result, there is a lot less angst and hardship¬†between my spouse and my friends when they didn’t get what I saw. My wellbeing is now more intact because I know it is not dependent on whether they see what I understand. I can also be more respectful towards our differences without feeling any need to shove my ideas down somebody else’s throat. In fact, I now enjoy seeing and appreciating someone’s different approach without any need to control them and move them to see my perspective.

The illusion of something wrong with either me or you
I used to fall into the illusion that when you didn’t believe what I did, there must be something either wrong with me or you. And this would cause a lot of outside-in thinking and reactions from me. I was trapped and stuck in the illusion that you need to think the same as me or the world will fall apart. Maybe I didn’t think the world would fall apart but I certainly acted as if it would when people didn’t see my point of view.

Respect and embrace diversity
But then I learned the about the principles behind a clear mind and how life really works. I didn’t waste time thinking or worrying about people who didn’t think like me. This put me in such a powerful position to respect and embrace diversity rather than be annoyed or afraid of it.

Better communication
The truth is that you can never really have my thoughts and I cannot actually have yours. No two minds think exaclty alike. As much as I feel that it would be better that you would think like me, it cannot happen. And when I realized this, I was able to think and communicate more and more effectively since I wasn’t overly attached to my point of view.

I think I’m right and they think they’re right
I’ve had many arguments where I was so sure that I was right. The problem is that the same thing happens with the other person when they think that what they believe is true and we just end up in one big argument where we are both absolutely sure that the other person is wrong and we’re absolutely right. This happens when you get so caught up in your own thinking that it stops you from seeing a bigger picture.

And we all do the same thing believing what we think is true. But really, it doesn’t matter what is right and what is wrong. When you understand this concept of separate realities you see that they think differently than you. So, rather than feeling that I need to convince them of what I believe to be correct and having this need to convince them that they’re wrong and that I need to correct them, I now just let go. This awareness points you to the impersonal realization that we all think differently.

Being the nice guy without judgment

Once I understood this, I became a lot ‘nicer’ because people didn’t have to think like me. And now when people think differently it doesn’t mean it’s a criticism of me. This insight which removes the misunderstanding of where my experience really comes from, allows me to be kinder towards people who are having a different experience and understanding than I do. It just gets rid of enormous amounts of judgment.

World Peace
If more people will understand this concept of separate realities there would be so much less conflict in the world. Families will find more peace, friends, and partners would have fewer fights and it can even go to a global level with more peace in the world.

Now when people have different views from me, I don’t take it so personally where I need to force them to think like me or force them into doing like I do.

Different thinking wife with a happy life
My wife thinks differently than I do, but my love for her goes beyond our ideas and beliefs. I don’t need to be with someone who thinks the same as me. So you can very comfortably hang out with people who don’t share the same ideas as you because they don’t need to be exactly like you to happily hang out with you.

This understanding removes an enormous amount of judgment¬†whereas before when I would see my wife’s shopping as superficial, I now see it as that she just thinks differently than me and that eradicates my judgment of her which is so powerful and beneficial to our relationship.

I challenge you!
Next time, see if you can catch yourself living in a separate reality when you are at odds with someone. There is nothing to do, but rather to understand that my little bubble will always be a little different in color than yours. Knowing this will stop the tears and create the greatest relationships with so much happiness you never thought possible.

No one has the right to make you feel worthless. Not even you.

Beating ourselves up
It’s so common for us to beat ourselves up over just about everything.I certainly did as a kid growing up and even in adulthood too.

As a result of that ‘beating’, I used to think that:
I Need to change.
I need to be made better.
I am faulty and broken.
I am not whole.

Oh boy, what a mess! As a result of all these false beliefs, I was a real underperformer in all areas of life. And when I learned these principles behind a clear mind, life just got so much better with such a load taken off me when I discovered the truth of who I really am.

The big discovery:
I am not worth-less.
I don’t need to change.
I don’t need to be made better.
I am not broken.
I am whole complete, perfect and loved by this Divine intelligence behind life.

Good News!
And the good news is that it’s not just me, it’s you too! We all have this innate capacity to find the answers to life within. It’s amazing what I did with one client I was coaching him for his Health and fitness business decisions. When working with him today,¬†it was¬†almost like going into this zen-like meditation space that we were both in while discussing his issues and hanging out in this beautiful space of no judgment together. It’s what I call being in a state of pure consciousness. There are no criticisms, no put downs, or my Ego versus yours. It’s like taking a walk in the park together and just literally hanging out while we see what comes up for the both of us as we both listen to our innate wisdom within.

The natural unscrambling that takes place when moving into clarity
If I thought either he or I was broken, it would have been much harder to come to some clarity that he needed on his business decisions today. The beauty of hanging out in this space is that when I listen from this deep space of compassion and care with no judgments, my client seems to unscramble themselves as we together get more clarity on the situation.

This happens when the discussion is predicated on the fact that we both have this spark of innate health and common sense as we both explored in a loving, non-threatening way the options that he had in front of him and the best path to take. It’s not me telling him what he must do with a bunch of steps, rather us discovering the answers that unfold from our innate wisdom, from this oneness within.

I’m always listening for the feeling behind my client’s words because they tell so much that goes beyond the spoken word and creates a deep connection which makes us both ripe for insights on seeing new things and possibilities¬†that can be used to solve real live problems.

Seeing the innate beauty of who you really are
If you want to move into this space like myself and my client did today, there is nothing to do but to look within and be open to the beauty and innate health you really are. When you tune into the good feelings within yourself you’ll begin to see who you really are.

We believe that what we think and what we see around us, including our physical selves, is actually who we are. That is where I was before I came across these principles. I thought that all of my life circumstances, all the choices I made, all the traumatic stressful thinking I had, I thought that was all me. And I used to beat myself up over and over and over again.

So, what I am trying to communicate with you is that it didn’t matter at all what I thought about myself, what I had designed as the Aron who would walk around in this world, it didn’t matter at all because it wasn’t connected to anything real. It was just a thought created version of Aron. I would find it hard to just sit with the stressful thinking and let it move on by itself. I used to feel I had to do something to make me feel better and would engage in bad habits that I knew were destructive to me.

Just allow the beautiful system to work as it was designed to work
I didn’t understand that if I just allow my beautiful system to work as it was designed to work, that it would bring me back to the feeling that is always there because it always is there even when it doesn’t look like it is.

The Truth with a capital T of who you are is unaffected by the thoughts you have
So even if you wake up next morning and see yourself having a litany of flaws, in many ways that doesn’t matter at all because it doesn’t change the fact, it doesn’t change the Truth with a capital T which is that no matter what thoughts we have about anything in life, it doesn’t affect who we really are.

My circumstances of where I find myself have nothing to do with the truth of who I really am
When I saw that for myself, it was as if I had shed a skin that I had been wearing for a long time, as if it was itchy and I realized that my personal thinking was¬†immaterial, it had nothing to do with me. Not only that, the events that I experienced in my life had nothing to do with me either. The circumstances which I’m currently living have nothing to do with me. +

You are not defined by your weight, how much money you have, where you live, what work you do or what you eat
How much you weigh, how much money you have, what kind of work you do, where you live, what you eat, none of that has anything to do with who you really are.

Your amazing life is there for the taking if you want it
Once you tune into this, you will see that beauty within yourself and then shed your own skin that holds you back from moving forward with your amazing life that is there for the taking if you’re willing to open your eyes and see it.

Happiness is like a Boomerang

Happiness is like a Boomerang
If you know anything about Australia besides our Koalas and Kangaroos which I have hardly ever seen except¬†for when I go to the Zoo, you might also know about another fixture of Australiana, and that’s our Boomerang! When you throw them, they come back or at least that’s what they’re supposed to do.

And the good news is, so is your peace, well-being and happiness. When my mother died in 1986 the whole family was devastated. She had cancer and was given two years to live and unfortunately only lasted 6 months before she passed on.

Two weeks later after her passing, Dad and I were doing the laundry together and all of a sudden, my Dad starts singing. At the time, I was beside myself with anger, frustration, and disbelief! How could you sing when Mum just died? The wound was still raw and sore! ¬†I couldn’t understand this, especially when Dad found it very hard to live without the love of his life and in fact, he himself was so devastated that he passed on only 10 months later himself.

I never took Dad up on this as I didn’t feel comfortable discussing it at the time, but after learning what it means to have a clear mind, I was able to understand what went on with my Dad back in 1986. I don’t think he understood it but I certainly do now.

Going back to our natural set point of wellbeing
When we settle down from a lot of stressful thinking, we go back to our natural set point of well-being and happiness. It’s always going to come back to you because that is your natural system set point and that is exactly what happened with my Dad. He had a space between his melancholy and loss of his beloved wife while he was just all caught up in doing the washing with me and he temporarily forgot about his troubles. His mind went blank from that and it allowed his natural set point of wellbeing to come back to him. I could tell that he was in a good state of mind because he was singing and genuinely happy at the time.

No pressure and effort required to find wellbeing in your unhappiness
This is not something that is on you and you don’t need to use some sort of technique to get into this peaceful state. ¬†When I learned about the principles behind a clear mind, it hit me in a way that I saw that I don’t need to put all this pressure on myself. When I just let go of the idea that I need to find my wellbeing in my unhappiness, it was like a massive release because I realized that it doesn’t work that way.

It didn’t matter how distressed I became on an emotional level because I saw that I was going to be okay.

I’m okay even though right now I’m not
In psychology, there is that talk about parent-child attachment. The idea is that when children have a healthy attachment with their parent, they feel more comfortable leaving the nest, they don’t feel uncomfortable leaving home or not being with their parents at a young age. I realized that this idea gave me an experience of connection with my well being because it allowed me to be okay¬†even when I couldn’t have any¬†experience¬†of my well-being in the moment.

It‚Äôs a level of confidence I have inside of myself where I don‚Äôt have this idea that I need to feel okay all the time. It’s kind of like I was a little baby that would cry all the time when my mom left the room. Every time I lost my well being, I would freak out thinking, “Oh no! This isn’t good.” But then it shifted, “oh, it’s eventually going to come back like a Boomerang. I’m going to experience my well being again. It’s not that it’s not there, it‚Äôs just that I can’t feel it right now and it doesn’t matter that I can’t feel it right now.” That was the freedom for me, the knowing that my okayness is still there even though I can’t feel it, see it, or taste it in that moment.

Once the change happens it’s sustainable and everlasting
It created a sustainable change. It’s something that hasn’t gone away from that moment and it doesn’t mean that I’m not human and it doesn’t mean that I don’t have my low moods or my insecurities and all my human¬†experiences. This newly discovered freedom allowed me to stop¬†monitoring¬†myself so much and to stop trying to be so good and perfect all the time.

It allowed me to have the¬†humility to be myself with my¬†limitations¬†and just show up and do my best. And now I’m more comfortable with the full range of my human experience and get to see more of it. I also find myself more¬†compassionate¬†and kind with myself in the process. That tiny realization of knowing that my ‘Boomerang natural set point’ will come back had such a big impact in all areas of my life.

When I saw that I wasn’t broken, when I saw that my human experience wasn’t an indicator of something being wrong with me, it allowed me to be with what is a much more accepting, compassionate way. It also allowed me to not take my negative thinking so seriously. And when I looked at my wife Shainy, when she was in a low mood, I didn’t have to get scared because I knew that she was going to come back to herself, just like my Dad did with his singing.

We all eventually come back to our true nature of Peace Happiness and Wellbeing
And in terms of my kids, it was about allowing them to have¬†some sort of emotional experience without feeling that there was something wrong with them because it’s just part of the human experience. As a by-product of seeing that, there is a lot less conflict because if I’m not so scared when Shainy isn’t herself, I’m much less likely to try and fix the situation in the worst possible time. I’ll be much more likely to think that it’s not such a big deal and just ride it out while I watch how she miraculously returns to her true beautiful nature. And our kids naturally come back to their true nature as well.

We are all wellbeing but we just get temporarily disconnected from it
It’s just our natural state to have big and small insights. When I say natural state, that is you. The intelligence behind life is you, it is me, it is all of us, it is everything and there is no escaping it. And the more¬†I see it, the more it allows me to¬†experience¬†that. And even when I’m in my human experience and I can’t see that, it’s still me. I’m not different, it‚Äôs just my¬†experience¬†of where I’m at is different, but I haven’t actually changed. This is all of us every single moment of every single day.

The wasteful effort in trying to stay in a good mood
In my early days of self-help, I was always trying to manage my moods going up and down. I was trying to make sure that it didn’t go down, but that was often not possible and the good news is, it doesn’t matter. We all go up and down, in and out with our state of mind and that’s fine.

Our natural set point is always better than a Boomerang
And my natural set point of happiness is actually better than a Boomerang because it will always come back. Unfortunately, if you buy a cheap Boomerang here in Australia it doesn’t always fly so reliably and come back. Thank God, our natural set point is not a Boomerang because we‚Äôll always do better than that!

There are some things that can’t be understood by the head and only by the heart

 

 

 

Listen for a feeling
There are things that work great when listening without our rational analytical mind. And that’s really useful and important. But when communicating effectively with people we need to be willing to listen beyond the words. Syd Banks would always say, “don’t listen to my words, listen for a feeling.”

People can often say one thing verbally but mean something totally different. When interacting with my kids, I know that they may be upset with me at times but what they are really saying is they want more attention and love from me.

Innate wisdom is trying to express itself
If I were to take them literally and personally, I would have missed the deeper message they were trying to convey to me. Often when people act in an inappropriate way, they could be saying and doing things out of anger or frustration and have something much deeper going on that their innate wisdom is trying to express. And it often manifests in a negative way.

So next time something happens that really irks and bugs you, think and ask yourself if there is something deeper going on that is not currently within your purview of the current situation.

Covert and Overt
When I work with clients, I always explain to them that there is the overt and the covert. What happens overtly is one story and the covert can be another.

I thought I was dumb and stupid
I was a very frustrated young man growing up. I was wild and crazy in school always up to no good. Off course, I never had any success at school and always received the subconscious message that I was dumb and stupid. So that’s what I believed my whole school life till I grew up and discovered that my teachers and principals were wrong.

The roads on the street were my racing car tracks
When I finally got my driver’s license¬†I was absolutely crazy on the roads. It is truly a miracle that I’m alive today. The way I drove on the streets and the highways would take up a whole book if I had to record it. But here’s the thing; the fact that I was a crazy and dangerous (although a very skillful) driver, was my overt behavior.

I had a need to fill the vacuum inside myself
But now as an adult when I dig deeper and look back from a loving and nonjudgmental¬†view of that ‘dark past,’ I realize that there was something very covertly happening at the same time. I had a real vacuum, a real void to fill inside myself because I didn’t think I would amount to anything in my life. I didn‚Äôt know this at the time. My behavior was akin to taking drugs and my drug was driving cars at dangerously high speeds and doing all sorts of daredevil stunts.

This was my innate health, my inner spark inside doing as best as it could to fill the void of worthlessness I felt inside at the time. When I got high from driving, I temporarily forgot my pain. And this is what most drug addicts are doing with their addiction, just trying to escape their problems because they are overthinking them when they are not on a high.

The move from head to heart
When I moved¬†from my head into this heart-based understanding and work that I do now, I realized why I was doing what I was doing. The beauty of this heart-based understanding is that when you realize that your thoughts are always creating these temporary movie experiences, you calm down much quicker while being exposed to a bigger picture of life that allows you to move forward with greater ease, confidence, and alacrity for life. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use our brain and intellect. But that shouldn’t also preclude us from listening with our heart where we can tune into a feeling which goes beyond the spoken word.

When the head clears, the heart hears
So next time something happens and it will; see if you can look beyond the filter of your own thinking and look at what’s in front of you rather than the story you are creating in your head. You’ll get a better perspective when you look at life from a loving heart-based and open perspective to what you don’t yet know. And when you listen for a feeling you can go even deeper than the spoken words alone.

The roller coaster of life, love and all relationships

The roller coaster of life
Welcome to the roller coaster called life! If you can breathe and you can read this, then most probably your a human being just like me who has their ups and downs. Congratulations¬†on being part of the human race! You can’t do anything about it so you might as well embrace it and make the best of it.

The roller coaster of life is something that is unavoidable. We’re all going to have our ups and downs, our highs and lows, our challenges and our celebrations. Off course we only want to have the good times without the bad, but that’s not the way life works.

Ride those dips with more grace
We always pray and hope it doesn’t happen to us, but it nevertheless does. The good news is that you can always ride those dips in life with much more resilience than you might be aware of. It doesn’t mean you don’t cry and you don’t suffer. That can actually be healthy if it’s not excessive. When our friend is in trouble we should also cry with them.

The recovery
The beauty of this understanding is that you can recover much more quickly than you realize when you understand that you can’t control what happens out there but you can be aware of the fact that you think and have an experience. And it‚Äôs always your choice on how you‚Äôll think and hence react to it. That is really your safety net for sanity and coming home to peace and tranquility after dealing with any tragedy or difficulty.

The criticism of my wife when I learned the principles behind a clear mind
My wife’s biggest frustration when I first gained this clarity was that I never get upset! Nothing unnerves me. And she wanted me to be frustrated with her. It’s almost not fair! Why am I so resilient?

So I had to console her by telling her that I still get down, I’m still a human being and I do get upset from time to time. If I didn’t get upset I wouldn’t be normal. But the point is this; rather than fight the upset or try to change my mood, I embrace it – that is key.

I’m still okay when it’s not okay
When going through that ‘dip’ in life and we all do, just knowing that I’m still okay even when ‘it’s’ not okay out there, is the key to sailing through those ‘rough waves’ with more grace and ease. It doesn’t mean it’s pleasant but I find that my recovery is so much faster today. And that’s why my wife thinks I never get upset and nothing drags me down because my recovery was so quick that to get it looks like I never get upset.

We all go through stuff
Whether you like it or not, we all have stuff that comes up from time to time. The difference between us is not that I have a greater capacity to sail through it than you, rather it is on how tuned in I am to the deeper side of myself that knows that this too will pass. That is what I believe makes my recovery so much faster.

You can’t choose when to go down but you can choose how to think about it
The roller coaster of life will always go up and down and so will you. The difference is whether you’ll go up and down gracefully or dreadfully. For me, the downs are now more graceful and not as long and the highs are just so beautiful and higher than ever. Your experience of it is based on what you think moment to moment.

I know you have this in you too
I invite you to look within for that sacrosanct space that’s in me and in you and in all of us to see if what I’m saying resonates with you. If you’ve read thus far then it probably will resonate for you too.

Watch the video below to further consolidate this important issue

Deep connections with those around us

The first big change that occurred when I learned the principles behind a clear mind    One of the first things that changed for me in my relationships when I learned this understanding was a deep connection within myself followed by a deep connection with those around me. It happened when I recognized the humanness within myself followed by seeing the humanness and innocence in others. People are trying to do the best with the limited thinking they have in the moment.

Ironically, I did less to achieve more
One would think that you have to really work hard to invest in relationships but ironically, when I so to speak, stopped trying so hard, for some reason, it became easier.

Human to Human soul connection
Often when talking to people, we get very disconnected from them because we overly identify with our own ideas of how things should work. But I always ask, what would happen if we just dropped our over attachments to what WE believe is absolutely right in OUR opinion and stayed open to curiosity from other person’s point of view. Human to human as decent human beings rather than MY opinion versus yours.

The romantic dance of connection
In order to help clients have their own insights on their own issues, I strive to listen to them without my own personal agendas. I’m am totally there for them and that is when I notice in this state of Soul to Soul connection that the magic really happens. Either I will see something or they will when we move into this meditative dance of connection that almost temporarily transcends time and space.

Even if we don’t see anything straight away, that deep space is so healing and so comforting that my client will walk away with the integration of that new feeling and I usually tell them to relax for a while after, to allow that ‘soak time’ from our session to help further integrate this new unexplainable shift happening inside them.

Hanging out in a beautiful space wirelessly 
It’s a beautiful place to hang out in. And my clients usually walk away feeling hopeful and uplifted with some new insights or hope about their issues. It’s funny because even though they are the ones having the insights, I walk away feeling as though it’s our insight. I walk away feeling that their success is my success. The reality is that we are all interconnected even though I can’t see any wires ūüôā

Are you looking for fresh perspective on your old issues?
If you’re looking for some fresh new perspective to your old ‘stale’ problems, then I suggest giving me a call for a FREE test run on moving into this space for yourself. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to stay in this state all the time, but what it does do is help you move into a place within yourself where you access the deeper more loving and understanding where you can find your own insights. Click on this link to book in for a free session now. FREE transformative¬†conversation session

I know some of you have taken the FREE transformative conversation with me and you might now be ready for the full blown 6-month package to move into real long lasting peace and well being together with new fresh insights into your own burning issues. If this is you then please email me with an ‘I’m ready’ in the subject line and I’ll get back to you with the details.

From there you’ll learn how to access this on your own without my help. We dip in and out of this understanding which is why we dip in and out of this space of peace and tranquility. I usually work with clients over a 6 month period for the full blown package where we are not in a rush and have more time for these insights to occur. This also¬†allows them to develop this ‘inner awareness muscle’ for themselves.

The Guru is in you, not me
The answers you seek are in you and not in me. I’m just a pointer for you to look within. And that happens with every human being. We always want to look for the next shiny object that will make us ‘happy.’ Shiny objects can be fun. But they don’t last. The good feeling within you may come and go but the good news is it will come again and you can revel in it with the right state of mind more often and longer than any shiny object will last.

Coming back to connectivity ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†So, when you want to connect with another, it happens when you’re in a curious state of humility knowing that you don’t know. Even though you may have preconceived ideas of the other, you are willing to drop them and move into curiosity and wonderment to learn more about them without judgment. When we are prepared to do this more often the world will change.

From one extreme of disconnect to total connectivity – TED Talk ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†I’m leaving you with an amazing video of Megan Phelps-Roper. She, (one of the children of the Westboro Baptist Church¬†leaders) was doing a TED Talk in the power of listening to people we don’t agree with, I was very curious indeed. This video shows how you can move from blind animosity to a totally new understanding of people you originally thought will burn in Hell. This video fills me with hope in a world where there is much division. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVV2Zk88beY

So, make sure you’re ready for deep connection and if you want to take me up on that FREE offer of having a taste of it please book in for a 15-minute call to experience for yourself on what it means to go into a state of deep connection with yourselves and others. Click on this link now to book in FREE transformative¬†conversation session And if you’re ready for the full blown 6-month life transformation package hit we with an email with ‘I’m ready’ in the subject line and I’ll get back to you with the details.