Monthly Archives: January 2017

When I can be okay with who I am, I can be 100% there for you

One of my clients, let’s call him Dave when he first started coming to me was always very nervous about his meetings that he was called into to at work. ¬†He was always trying to plan everything out of what he was going to say and was always worried about how he would rate by his bosses and his other colleagues.

We discussed the fact that all our thoughts are just made up by us in the moment and very often are illusions coming from our insecure imagination. ¬†I always tell my clients not to trust their thinking when they feel yuck inside. ¬†That’s a ‘warning light’ going off from your body telling you not to trust your thinking in this moment. When you feel yuck inside and full of worry about something, your objectivity is skewed and you won’t make very good decisions then.

That’s a good time to have some time out and leave it till your thinking calms down and then you can revisit the situation with less emotion and more objectivity. ¬†Never try to solve a problem when you’re angry and fearful. ¬†But if there is a fire going on in the house and you’re scared, that’s great because that will fuel you to get out of the danger quickly. ¬†In most situations, however, you can calmly walk away till your ‘psychological fire’ cools off.

When Dave developed his understanding of a clear mind he began to understand that he can’t be fully there when he’s up in his head. ¬†This doesn’t just apply to Dave but to everyone, even you.

You will never truly be there for someone when your mind is preoccupied. ¬†If I’m always worried about me and my issues and how I look and what other people think, then I can’t really be here for you and listen to you with the proper attention you deserve.

I’m always worried, thinking, ‚Äúhow stupid will I look in front of my friend? ¬†Will, what I say be respected? How will it go down in front of everyone?” ¬†And this goes on and on and on. ¬†And while all this is spinning in my head like a never ending washing machine, my friend is talking to me and I’m there, but not really there.

Have you ever spoken to a friend¬†but they’re not really there? ¬†It’s not only in the words they’re saying but it’s in the body language and even in the energy they project¬†when you speak to them. ¬†You can usually see it in their eyes and how their mind is just spinning and not really paying proper attention to you, especially if they’re texting at the same time.

A real connection with another human being takes place when I have a true appreciation of myself and okayness of who I am.  When I feel whole and complete within me, then I can truly be here for you. Hence, I created the adage, When I love me, then I can love you too.

This is because when I feel good enough about me that I don’t need to worry about me, I can truly be of service to you and focus on what I can purely do for you, rather than have the attitude of “what’s in it for me?” When my Ego shuts down,’ my Soul turns on and I usually have deep and meaningful¬†interactions with you or anyone I come in contact with.

When you are being you, then you can naturally be happy, funny, creative and patient towards another person. ¬†All the good feelings, intelligence, and wisdom you need to naturally connect to the other person naturally emerge because it’s all already inside you. ¬†It was just temporarily hidden by all of your egocentric thoughts. With a clear mind, you’ll learn to connect, more often to this space within yourself and as a byproduct, you’ll find yourself more relaxed as you get along better with people and make friends more easily.

The first port of call is not to take what you think so seriously. ¬†We are often very hard on ourselves and as a result of our false insecure version of ourselves, we wonder through life with struggles and under performance towards our goals. ¬†If only we would believe in this innate ability we’ve all been blessed with, then we’ll give birth to a revelation of new potential where more gets done with less effort.

How would your life be if you realized that all your worries and troubles are an inside-out job? This means that for you to experience any worry, it can’t happen unless you think it. ¬†And what would happen to the worry if you didn’t think it, or even if you thought it, but you didn’t take it so seriously?

Now, I’m¬†not¬†telling you that you have to try and control your thoughts and especially the worrying ones. They look super real and very difficult to control yourself not to think of them. ¬†What I am saying, however, is to know the fact that they are all just thoughts made up in the moment. ¬†We are living in the feeling of our thoughts.

So what did happen with Dave’s meeting in the end? The good news is that just as I ‘prophetically predicted’ to him, that he was making a mountain out of a molehill, which was, in fact, the case. ¬†And in this meeting, he was so good they offered him more hours on his job!

Because he was focused, not on himself and his thinking, but rather on how he could be of service to the other person while he was very comfortable knowing that he’s going to be fine, whatever the outcome. ¬†And exactly the same thing happens with every human who learns what it means to be clear.

Just knowing this and the deeper you become grounded with this, the quicker you’ll recover from your own personal ‘thoughts storms’ and have greater success in all your endeavors. ¬†I dare you not to take your feelings and thinking so seriously next time someone upsets you. ¬†Just catch yourself in the act of thinking and watch like an observer what happens to your feelings. ¬†For me, it usually calms down fairly quickly and gracefully. ¬†But I’m trying or in a rush, because I’m a human too and we all dip in and out of this awareness of the fact that we think and hence create our experiences moment to moment.

One of my clients, let’s call him Dave, when he first started coming to me was always very nervous about his meetings that he was called into to at work. ¬†He was always trying to plan everything out of what he was going to say and was always worried about how he would rate by his bosses and his other colleagues.

We discussed the fact that all our thoughts are just made up by us in the moment and very often are illusions coming from our insecure imagination. ¬†I always tell my clients not to trust their thinking when they feel yuck inside. ¬†That’s a ‘warning light’ going off from your body telling you not to trust your thinking in this moment. When you feel yuck inside and full of worry about something, your objectivity is skewed and you won’t make very good decisions then.

That’s a good time to have some time out and leave it till your thinking calms down and then you can revisit the situation with less emotion and more objectivity. ¬†Never try to solve a problem when you’re angry and fearful. ¬†But if there is a fire going on in the house and you’re scared, that’s great because that will fuel you to get out of the danger quickly. ¬†In most situations, however, you can calmly walk away till your ‘psychological fire’ cools off.

When Dave developed his understanding of a clear mind he began to understand that he can’t be fully there when he’s up in his head. ¬†This doesn’t just apply to Dave but to everyone, even you.

You will never truly be there for someone when your mind is preoccupied. ¬†If I’m always worried about me and my issues and how I look and what other people think, then I can’t really be here for you and listen to you with the proper attention you deserve.

I’m always worried, thinking, ‚Äúhow stupid will I look in front of my friend? ¬†Will, what I say be respected? How will it go down in front of everyone?” ¬†And this goes on and on and on. ¬†And while all this is spinning in my head like a never ending washing machine, my friend is talking to me and I’m there, but not really there.

Have you ever spoken to a friend¬†but they’re not really there? ¬†It’s not only in the words they’re saying but it’s in the body language and even in the energy they project¬†when you speak to them. ¬†You can usually see it in their eyes and how their mind is just spinning and not really paying proper attention to you, especially if they’re texting at the same time.

A real connection with another human being takes place when I have a true appreciation of myself and okayness of who I am.  When I feel whole and complete within me, then I can truly be here for you. Hence, I created the adage, When I love me, then I can love you too.

This is because when I feel good enough about me that I don’t need to worry about me, I can truly be of service to you and focus on what I can purely do for you, rather than have the attitude of “what’s in it for me?” When my Ego shuts down,’ my Soul turns on and I usually have deep and meaningful¬†interactions with you or anyone I come in contact with.

When your are being you, then you can naturally be happy, funny, creative and patient towards another person. ¬†All the good feelings, intelligence, and wisdom you need to naturally connect to the other person naturally emerge because it’s all already inside you. ¬†It was just temporarily hidden by all of your egocentric thoughts.

With a clear mind, you’ll learn to connect, more often to this space within yourself and as a byproduct, you’ll find yourself more relaxed as you get along better with people and make friends more easily.

The first port of call is not to take what you think so seriously. ¬†We are often very hard on ourselves and as a result of our false insecure version of ourselves, we wonder through life with struggles and under performance towards our goals. ¬†If only we would believe in this innate ability we’ve all been blessed with, then we’ll give birth to a revelation of new potential where more gets done with less effort.

How would your life be if you realized that all your worries and troubles are an inside-out job? ¬†This means that for you to experience any worry, it can’t happen unless you think it. ¬†And what would happen to the worry if you didn’t think it, or even if you thought it, but you didn’t take it so seriously?

Now, I’m not¬†telling you that you have to try and control your thoughts and especially the worrying ones. They look super real and very difficult to control yourself not to think of them. ¬†What I am saying, however, is to know the fact that they are all just thoughts made up in the moment. ¬†We are living in the feeling of our thoughts.

So what did happen with Dave’s meeting in the end? The good news is that just as I ‘prophetically predicted’ to him, that he was making a mountain out of a molehill, which was, in fact, the case. ¬†And in this meeting, he was so good they offered him more hours on his job! ¬†This was because he was focused, not on himself and his thinking, but rather on how he could be of service to the other person while he was very comfortable knowing that he’s going to be fine, whatever the outcome. ¬†And exactly the same thing happens with every human who learns what it means to be clear.

Just knowing this and the deeper you become grounded with this, the quicker you’ll recover from your own personal ‘thoughts storms’ and have greater success in all your endeavors. ¬†I dare you not too take your feelings and thinking so seriously next time someone upsets you. ¬†Just catch yourself in the act of thinking and watch like an observer what happens to your feelings. ¬†For me, it usually calms down fairly quickly and gracefully. ¬†But I’m trying or in a rush, because I’m a human too and we all dip in and out of this awareness of the fact that we think and hence create our experiences moment to moment.